My hero is Jonathan Van Ness. I've been following them for awhile and just kinda absorb all of the wisdom they share and try to take their example of living their life with joy and kindness. They did an interview the other day about being "nice" and when asked about if being "nice" sometimes means putting others before yourself they broke it down so beautifully.
They said they wake up 2 hours before they need to do anything for anyone else so that they start every day for THEMSELVES. They admitted this is easy for them because they've always been a morning person. (ME TOO.) They said sometimes they needlepoint, sometimes they play with the dog, sometimes they do yoga...but it's always Jonathan time to set the tone that they are the FIRST priority in their life. Then...they are free to serve people however they need throughout the day because they know they honored themselves first.
I found this so relatable because I kinda do it anyway, without understanding why it worked for me so much. I use two hours of Me Time in the mornings too, and if someone interrupts me before I'm done writing or bullet journaling or reading, the rest of my day feels RUINED. I don't need to start the day exercising or meditating...even though sometimes I do. I just need to start the day FOR ME. I don't do laundry or housework really. I just simply use those 2 hours however it feels best and now I understand why. It's so I can try serve my family and my loved ones the rest of the day and never feel like I'm sacrificing bits of myself.
My kids were on Spring Break this week and they were lamenting how they can’t believe it’s over and that they feel like they “wasted” so much of it. I really had to push back on that, even though I still struggle with the same mentality. We are conditioned as part of a productivity economy that any unscheduled time should not be “wasted.” That we should be productive in some way. Maybe painting that bathroom. Maybe working on that side hustle. Maybe reorganizing that closet or mulching the flower beds. I definitely spent a solid decade or two feeling the same way. Sometimes I look back and think, “How did I get so much done back then?” and then I remember, “Oh yeah…I still was brainwashed into thinking I had to be DOING DOING DOING every unscheduled moment of every day.”
Just like with all societal programming, this is all unconscious. We don’t realize how much we beat ourselves up about “wasted time” and how much we try to do “things” during our free/unscheduled time. But part of my journey to Radical Self Love has been trying to be more in tune with what my heart and soul actually need. Sometimes…I need to clean out the hall closet because this time of year I get freaked out by bad weather and that’s our shelter and so it calms my anxieties to clean it out. Sometimes I need to organize my books because my books make me happy. But other times I need to do a third rewatch of Ted Lasso while drawing pictures of flowers in my bullet journal. Sometimes I need to veg out on the couch and snuggle with the dogs.
Now…obviously sometimes I’m avoiding tasks that really do need to get done, but I really have been trying to give myself grace and maybe choose one of those tasks I’m scared of, but I’m trying to stop beating myself up about it if I don’t get to it.
And yes…scrolling for 4 hours of TikTok is probably not actually what my soul needed…but maybe my soul did need to disconnect in some way and if too much social media feels detrimental, I can figure out other ways to disconnect. Like with a rewatch of the award-winning Twilight.
But the main thing is that beating myself up about “wasting time” is no longer something I allow myself to do. Just like I don’t allow myself to criticize my body. And I don’t allow myself to feel guilty if I’m not happy. This is all part of my journey to Radical Self Love. I’m learning to give myself grace in all areas and to remember I deserve kindness and respect even if my bathroom is dirty or my hair is matted or my finger nail polish is chipping. I try to check in with myself and dig UNDER the societal and cultural programming to see what I truly need to soothe my aching and tired soul.
And then I spend the first 2 hours of every day honoring that. Just like Jonathan.
I have not commented in awhile (our district has been phasing back in face to face school and my days are a blur........) but I always read and always say Yes! Yes! Yes!!! Yes Kim!! in fact I know there was something in the past month that really, really resonated with me and now I have NO idea what it was but it was brilliant and so was this piece. Keep it up!!
Julie A