After Mom died I thought, What do I do now? I went from planning everything around her and her care in various degrees since 2018 and using her as an “excuse” not to pursue any jobs or take on any major commitments. I went from having no time that was 100% mine to having all of the free time. I mean, other than the basic duties as a Mom and a Person Who Tends To Domestic Things.

And now? NOW I AM EXHAUSTED BECAUSE I HAVE NO TIME.

I took a major volunteer job (In my defense I did not know how major it was when I took it but that’s another entry for another day) managing my son’s swim team of 100 swimmers and I now have a part-time job working at the library. Between the two at least 50-60 hours of my week are occupied. I was up at the pool last night until almost 10pm wrapping up a meet that was rescheduled from a rained out event last week and that was after an 8-hour work day.

But I looked fucking adorable the whole time though. Look at this picture E took of me at work yesterday!

I get up early still but my “blogging” time in the morning is “swim team time” as there are emails to answer and meets to plan and trophies to order etc. I also have been going up to the early swim practices so parents can ask me questions or bring me paperwork. All of this on top of Donnie starting his full-time remote job as well so to say I’ve been a little frazzled is AN UNDERSTATEMENT.

But Cute! Don’t forget cute!

To illustrate, I’ve been writing this piss-poor excuse for a blog post for two hours but I keep getting emails or I keep remembering things I need to do and so I keep stepping away and then getting distracted 3-4 more times before remembering: OH YEAH! I HAD A THING I WAS WRITING!

I’m here. I’m too busy. I’m happy but also depressed (IYKYK) which is better than only depressed. I’m still anxious as fuck and grieving but I love my job and I’m slowly but surely learning the ropes in my volunteer role so I’m good even when I’m bad.

I just wanted top pop in and say, “I’m here. I’m frazzled. I’m cute.”